Love is
by aussiegleek18
Summary: Prompt for SoftballChicky15 hope you like


**A/N I own nothing! A one shot to the amazing SoftballChicky15 prompt at the end! Mentions of suicide if that upsets you please don't read. I am not that keen on this, I have gone over it and re done it like a billion times and I am not 100% happy with it so I hope SoftballChicky15 is... lol**

_Love is..._

"Harder Noah, oh god right there." Rachel moaned as Puck pounded into her at a fast and hard pace; just the way she liked it.

"You close Rach. Fuck I wanna feel you coming around my cock baby." Puck panted into her ear, he loved how responsive she was to him.

"God Noah, I'm so close. Please." Rachel begged, she wanted to come so badly.

"Come for me, come with me." Puck groaned as he rubbed her clit with his forefinger and came just as she tighten and came around him chanting his name.

Puck rolled off Rachel and laid next to her on the bed, he was just catching his breath when Rachel rolled out of his bed and began to get dressed again.

"Damn Berry I was just balls deep in you five seconds ago in a hurry to fuck off?" Puck asked annoyed that this is how it always seemed to go after they had sex.

"Puck you know what this is, just sex." Rachel said as she slipped her panties on.

"It's fucking stupid." Puck said, "What if it weren't just sex." Puck said quietly after a few moments of silence.

Rachel, who was now fully dressed wasn't expecting him to say that; she slowly turned around so she could look at Puck.

"Look Noah; I chose you for this because I didn't want feelings getting involved." Rachel said bluntly shocking Puck. It's not like Rachel didn't like Noah, she more then liked him; but when she was 10 she made a promise to herself to never fall in love; love is... it's just not worth it.

Puck just shook his head, and watched silently as she walked out of his bedroom.

Xxxxx

When Rachel got home from Puck's that day she felt like shit, she hated being a bitch to anyone but especially to people she actually cared about. Rachel said hello to her father's and made her way straight up to her room, after having a shower; she took out a photo album she keeps under her bed and sat on her bed to look through it. She hadn't opened it in four months. They were picture's of her with her family, her two amazing dad's and her older brother, Nate. Rachel hated looking at photo's of her older brother, he would have been 20 this October, she missed him like crazy, Nate is the reason why she refuses to fall in love; because people don't care, and in the end they will just leave you; just like he did.

Xxxxx

Monday was a blur to Rachel, Puck had been avoiding her and she was grateful but also upset that he was. She knew she had hurt him but she wasn't going to explain her actions; no body knew about Nate; not even her best friend Quinn; who she met a year after Nate's death.

"What's going on with you and Puckerman? Why aren't you eye fucking in Glee?" Santana asked Rachel while they were waiting for Mr Shue to begin Glee Club.

"Don't." Was all Rachel said before being saved by Mr Shue finally walking into the choir room.

"This week is solo's. Everyone will get a chance to perform one in front of everybody; pick a song close to your heart and how you are feeling. Winner will perform for Regionals." Mr Shue smiled, everyone brighten up at the possibility of leading the team at Regionals, Rachel forgot her troubles with Puck and threw herself straight into her song choice.

Xxxxx

"Baby girl are you okay?" Rachel's dad Hiram asked his daughter at dinner that night.

"I'm fine." Rachel said plasting on a fake smile.

There was a silence between them.

"Five years this Thursday daddy." Rachel whispered sadly staring at her food that was still untouched on her plate.

"I know baby girl." Her daddy Paul said quietly gripping his daughter's hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hiram asked his daughter.

"No, yes, maybe." Rachel blurted out; before she burst into tears, her parents comforting her.

When Rachel was ten years old; Nate was fifteen, they were best friends; and her older brother was her hero, she wanted to be just like him. But when he went to high school he began to get teased. Teased for being Jewish, for not being a jock and for being gay. Rachel saw the change in her older brother; but was to young to realize what was going on; that was until Rachel arrived home from school and saw her beloved older brother hanging from the stair case, Rachel lost her whole world that day and she never really got over it. Two months after Nate's funeral, Rachel and her dad's moved to Lima, Ohio; she was accepted pretty well until Freshman year when she started getting slushie's t the face; but she vowed never to take the 'easy way out' as she deemed it in her head, hence the Rachel Berry she is today.

Xxxxx

She hadn't spoke to Puck in three days; it was now Thursday and it was Rachel's turn to sing, she had spoken to her parents and she had decided she was going to tell her fellow Glee Club members about her brother; she felt that she needed to speak about him to try and get over his lost; well as best as she could anyway.

Rachel stood in the middle of the room just staring at her feet; after a few moment's of silence she began to speak.

"Before I moved to Lima; I lived in Florida with my father's and m-my older brother; Nate." Rachel began, "He was my hero; my best friend and I loved him so very much. But when he started high school, he wasn't accepted and he ending up, k-killing himself." Rachel let out a violent sob but she continued she had to, "I gave up on love that day," Rachel whispered looking at Puck who looked like he just wanted to hug her and protect her from the world, "My daddy's thought I should say something, to let my friends know because today it's been five years. I miss him every single day and I just wanted to say that suicide isn't the answer, you tear the lives of everyone around you apart and it turns out I was letting it shut me out from this little thing called love." Rachel looked up at Puck and lightly smiled. "But I won't let it anymore, to Nate." Rachel said before queuing Brad to start playing.

_Found myself today  
>Oh I found myself and ran away<br>Something pulled me back  
>The voice of reason I forgot I had<br>All I know is you're not here to say  
>What you always used to say<br>But it's written in the sky tonight_

_So I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even if it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>Someone's watching over me_

_Seen that ray of light  
>And it's shining on my destiny<br>Shining all the time  
>And I wont be afraid<br>To follow everywhere it's taking me  
>All I know is yesterday is gone<br>And right now I belong  
>To this moment to my dreams<em>

_So I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even if it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>Someone's watching over me_

_It doesn't matter what people say  
>And it doesn't matter how long it takes<br>Believe in yourself and you'll fly high  
>And it only matters how true you are<br>Be true to yourself and follow your heart_

_So I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even if it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>That I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even when it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>That someone's watching over  
>Someone's watching over<br>Someone's watching over me_

_Someone's watching over me_

Rachel won the competition.

Xxxxx

"Why didn't you tell me?" Puck asked Rachel as they were sitting on her couch.

"I kind of thought that if I didn't tell anyone it wouldn't be real you know? That it wouldn't hurt as much. He was amazing; you would of loved him and he would of loved you... even if he did threaten to kill you if you hurt me." Rachel laughed quietly to herself.

"You know I love you Rachel." Puck said after a few moments of him just stroking her arm softly.

"Yeah I know Noah." Rachel whispered.

"D-do you love me?" Puck asked.

"Yes, but, I'm scared. You can't leave me Noah, ever." Rachel almost begged.

"I will never leave you Rachel. I care about you to fucking much. You're it for me." Puck said sincerely.

And he didn't, Rachel and Noah Puckerman have been married for ten years, with two beautiful children; Nathan Noah Puckerman and Melody Reina Puckerman.

**A/N I hope you like it. I had a cousin who committed suicide and it hurts but I didn't really know how to write it. I hope people like it and sorry it's so short. R&R**

**Puck and Rachel are friends with benefits and Puck is actually in love with her but something happened in Rachel's past making so shes too afraid to love him back...I was thinking Like she had a brother who was killed or committed suicide and she found his body so she is now afraid of the pain of losing someone so she forced herself not to love**


End file.
